Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Creepy Crawlies

She didn’t leave
with the guitar player
who winked at her,
picked love songs like roses,
and laid them at her feet;
it was the construction guy,
who didn’t buy her a drink, and
whose eyes crawled
in and out of her blouse like spiders.
He did leave a tip.

21 comments:

floots said...

those crawling eyes got to me
(hope i'm not the owner of such creatures) :)

Anonymous said...

Love the lines: "whose eyes crawled / in and out of her blouse like spiders". Great piece!

Poetry by Kai said...

:-]

Anonymous said...

Yikes! I think you caught the whole atmosphere.

MB said...

Very effective little snapshot portrait. Raises all sorts of questions by providing just a few answers. Nicely done, Pat!

polona said...

what this says and what it doesn't... love it!

gracie said...

wow... for a man you certainly know how women feel!! that is a brilliant image!!!

Masago said...

Wow. And as I read it I could hear your voice reading it in my mind's ear.

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

that's funny, I was going to say the same as Vaughn! :)

trinitystar said...

she lol. You are a Laughing Ghost methinks.
hugs for you

Don Iannone said...

Perfect Pat, and made me smile. You weren't envious...where you?

Medusa aka expiringpoet said...

Doormat characters who are too eager to please are rarely a turn-on for women. The relationship is already not on equal ground, how do you respect a guy who is into servitude? They remind one too much of golden retrievers. :P

Love this post Pat! You've such wonderful insight on women! :)))

Pat Paulk said...

Floots I guess from time to beers consumed my eyes have gotten a little "spidery". Thanks!!

Thanks SB!!

Thank you Kai!!

Thanks Joyce!!

Thank you MB!!

Polona, more of what it doesn't say. Thank you!!

Gracie, I've got two ex-wives that would disagree with you...oh well, what'd they know. Thank you!!

Vaughn, I can't get my Odeo to work. Probably a blessing.

Andrew, same reply as Vaughn!!

Trinitystar, I'm all skin and bones. All hugs greatly appreciated!!

Thanks Don!! Envious?? I wasn't playing the guitar...

Medusa, and I thought it was a lucky night at a bar many years ago. Thank you!!

mikaelah said...

I love how it begins with her not leaving and ends with his leaving and the spider just comes and goes

Amalendu said...

I liked the way it creates a storyline in my mind...
well-said Pat...

gautami tripathy said...

Picture poetry, thats what it is!

Pris said...

Pat, I love this slice of life...picked love songs like roses....eyes crawled in and out...yes! Great images.

Two grammaticals (I hope you don't mind and always feel free to mention something in my postings you see...I leave typos like the wake of a huge ship)

with the guitar player
that(should be 'who') winked at her,

it was the construction guy,
that(should be 'who') didn’t buy her a drink, and

I really enjoy your poems!

Pat Paulk said...

Thanks Mikaelah!!

Thanks amalendu!! It was a story!!

Thanks Gautami!! Only way I can, can't draw a straight line with a ruler.

Thanks Pris!! Don't mind at all. Appreciate all the help I can get. My 12th grade English teacher would be amazed I get anything right.

Anonymous said...

Love this piece - speaks to me of keeping low company and how sometimes we sell ourselves cheaply to people with eyes who crawl like spiders. (grin)

Nea said...

yeh, hmmmmmmmm, well I picked the guitar player because I love music so much, but think it would have been more practical to have picked the construction worker, at least I would have gotten my roof fixed, maybe, haha

Anonymous said...

well put