Gasping breaths,
falling life,
eerie wind,
red truck rusting,
rubber flat feet,
cold leaves huddle,
Fall moon silent,
dark thoughts rustle,
lone dog howls.
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Originals are better than remakes.
About Me
- Pat Paulk
- 2009! 57 years ago in April I was a 2# squealing baby boy. Got a wonderful tan in an incubator. Made friends with plastic tubing, needles and tape. All of which I have zero recollection. I've been well watered and fertilized over the years, and grown quite ripe. Plastic tubing, needles and tape are catalysts for flashbacks without the buzz. Enjoy!
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November
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21 comments:
This is SO Zen-like, Pat. I love it! When I read it, it sounds a bit like a poetic Rorschach test. Would love to hear the audio version. :-)
these "gasping breaths" work well to create the mood. love it!
there's a haiku-like quality in this one...
:-]
As always, wonderful imagery. I love theh last two lines.
I could feel this poem. Like a cold late-fall night around the house.
But where did your beautiful voice disappear to?...
I had to read it twice, but I like it. :)
I like the rhythm in this, the string of images that together add up to something more. Very nice! (Missed hearing your voice. You see how you spoil us!)
Hard to close your eyes to this one, Pat! The images are haunting but, more than that, they are haunted. Great presence there!
Some interesting images.
Wonderful Pat!
Love this one!
Margie
this is more like it :)
I enjoy most of your poems, but this one stands out to me!
darker, and dismal.
short and fast too.
atumn does strange things to us all
and for me this captures those feelings
good stuff
cheers
I love the way you write....I can see what you have written...
Fall moon silent,
dark thoughts rustle,
lone dog howls.
Beautiful within your last gasping breaths.
very cool!
have a great day!
the red boots added the magic touch, you have such a clever way with words!!
Gasp!
great images in so little words!
I am reaching for a blanket and snuggling in...you witness the seasons well.
Another great one from the Master of the Laughin Ghosts!:)
Works very well for me...
I am gasping!
SB, did I pass or fail?? Thank you!!
Polona, that was the intent, along with trying to make the rythmn choppy like gasping breaths. Thank you!!
Thanks Kai!!
EP, as always thank you!!
Cathy, thank you!! I returned it.
Thanks, Andrew for taking the time to read it twice.
MB, aren't you sweet!!Not enough "p's" in this one!!
Thanks Russell, I like the way you put that!!
Thanks Vaughn!! Was going for a feeling of being stripped to your last breath.
Thanks Margie!!
Inconsequential, glad you liked it more!! I get in a rut, and just go with the same thing over and over, so I thought I'd try something different. Need to do more.
Thanks Floots!!
Thank you Carol!! That means I did something right!!
Trinitystar within the last gasping breath is right!! thank you!!
Thanks Janice!!
Corey I think red underwear would've been better, but didn't seem to fit!! Thank you!!
Dsnake, thank you!!
Thank you Mikaelah!! Not quite as sweetly as you.
Borut, I'm not even junior grade around here. Thanks!!
Gautami, I'm gasping back!! Thank you!!
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