Sunday, November 05, 2006

Gasping Breaths

Gasping breaths,
falling life,
eerie wind,

red truck rusting,
rubber flat feet,
cold leaves huddle,

Fall moon silent,
dark thoughts rustle,
lone dog howls.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is SO Zen-like, Pat. I love it! When I read it, it sounds a bit like a poetic Rorschach test. Would love to hear the audio version. :-)

polona said...

these "gasping breaths" work well to create the mood. love it!
there's a haiku-like quality in this one...

Poetry by Kai said...

:-]

EATING POETRY said...

As always, wonderful imagery. I love theh last two lines.

Cathy said...

I could feel this poem. Like a cold late-fall night around the house.
But where did your beautiful voice disappear to?...

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

I had to read it twice, but I like it. :)

MB said...

I like the rhythm in this, the string of images that together add up to something more. Very nice! (Missed hearing your voice. You see how you spoil us!)

Russell Ragsdale said...

Hard to close your eyes to this one, Pat! The images are haunting but, more than that, they are haunted. Great presence there!

Masago said...

Some interesting images.

samuru999 said...

Wonderful Pat!
Love this one!

Margie

Inconsequential said...

this is more like it :)

I enjoy most of your poems, but this one stands out to me!

darker, and dismal.

short and fast too.

floots said...

atumn does strange things to us all
and for me this captures those feelings
good stuff
cheers

Carol said...

I love the way you write....I can see what you have written...

trinitystar said...

Fall moon silent,
dark thoughts rustle,
lone dog howls.

Beautiful within your last gasping breaths.

jel said...

very cool!




have a great day!

Tongue in Cheek Antiques said...

the red boots added the magic touch, you have such a clever way with words!!

dsnake1 said...

Gasp!

great images in so little words!

mikaelah said...

I am reaching for a blanket and snuggling in...you witness the seasons well.

Borut said...

Another great one from the Master of the Laughin Ghosts!:)

gautami tripathy said...

Works very well for me...

I am gasping!

Pat Paulk said...

SB, did I pass or fail?? Thank you!!

Polona, that was the intent, along with trying to make the rythmn choppy like gasping breaths. Thank you!!

Thanks Kai!!

EP, as always thank you!!

Cathy, thank you!! I returned it.

Thanks, Andrew for taking the time to read it twice.

MB, aren't you sweet!!Not enough "p's" in this one!!

Thanks Russell, I like the way you put that!!

Thanks Vaughn!! Was going for a feeling of being stripped to your last breath.

Thanks Margie!!

Inconsequential, glad you liked it more!! I get in a rut, and just go with the same thing over and over, so I thought I'd try something different. Need to do more.

Thanks Floots!!

Thank you Carol!! That means I did something right!!

Trinitystar within the last gasping breath is right!! thank you!!

Thanks Janice!!

Corey I think red underwear would've been better, but didn't seem to fit!! Thank you!!

Dsnake, thank you!!

Thank you Mikaelah!! Not quite as sweetly as you.

Borut, I'm not even junior grade around here. Thanks!!

Gautami, I'm gasping back!! Thank you!!